5 Reasons You Should Wait Before Dating After Divorce

girl stay the night before dating

girl stay the night before dating


Does this describe you? You’re not able to say a single good thing about your Ex. On the contrary, you can easily give five detailed examples of (wo)men being nasty pigs. If your Ex put on twenty pounds and was dumped by his/her new partner you’d call it karma doing good job.

5 Reasons You Should Wait Before Dating After Divorce

Being divorced comes with a lot of freedom. But here’s a few reasons why you might want to wait before dating after divorce and focus on your needs.

By Monika Gorecka Updated: August 19, 2019 Categories: Dating after Divorce, Relationships and Dating

When my marriage ended but we were still living together, my ex moved on so quickly that after only a couple of months he was moving in with his new girlfriend. I know because she came to our house to help him pack his things. And that was it, he was all ready for the new relationship. On the other hand, some time later, I met a guy who told me he was so hurt after his breakup that he could barely stand women who weren’t part of his family. Nothing personal, but he wouldn’t speak with me. He just wanted to wait before dating after divorce.

These two men couldn’t be any more different, right? So, when is the right time to start dating after divorce? Do you fight fire with fire? Or stay away from the opposite sex forever (more or less)? How do you know if you should wait to date or if you’re ready to move on? Well, obviously, it has nothing to do with your official marital status. It’s more about divorcing in your heart and saying a real goodbye to that stage of your life.

Easier said than done, though. Let’s have a look at the most common DON’Ts regarding moving forward with dating after divorce. And let’s also talk about a few DOs. Not to try to stop you from dating, but to see what stage you’re at and what the potential consequences could be.

5 Reasons You Should Wait Before Dating After Divorce

Reason 1. You’re Feeling Worthless and are Afraid to Trust Again

Does this describe you? You feel like there is absolutely no way this attractive, wonderful (wo)man could like someone like you.

What’s behind this feeling? Your heart still hurts, your wounds fester, you might feel guilty and blame yourself for the broken marriage

Why not date? If your heart’s still bleeding, you’re vulnerable, even if your new partner is very sensitive and tender. It’s a very special time. Easy to get hurt, unintentionally. You might feel emotionally unstable. And if you breakup with this new person, you’re going to be left much worse off than before.

What to do instead? Take care of yourself, be very kind to yourself, like you would to a person you’re in love with. Let it be YOUR time. Work on your self-esteem.

Reason 2. You Believe Men are Monsters or Women are Wicked

Does this describe you? You’re not able to say a single good thing about your Ex. On the contrary, you can easily give five detailed examples of (wo)men being nasty pigs. If your Ex put on twenty pounds and was dumped by his/her new partner you’d call it karma doing good job.

What’s behind this belief? Anger – or even rage and fury – at your ex.

Why not date? Do you know how it is to talk to someone who’s agitated and shouting back at you ‘I am calm. ’? Yeah, same thing here.

What to do instead? Get your anger out! Use screaming and hitting to get your fury out. There’s no need to let it grow inside! Get the crap out!

Reason 3. You (or Your Friends) Think you Should be Ready

Does this describe you? Friends suggest you should start dating again – or you see your ex and his new girlfriend’s pictures on FB, all happy and in love, and you feel maybe you should move on, too. Not that you’re eager to jump into this dating thing, but you think maybe you ought to.

What’s behind this thought? You haven’t closed this stage of your life yet. Easy, sometimes it really takes time.

Why not date? By giving false hope, you may accidentally hurt someone who really doesn’t deserve it.

What to do instead? Make a goodbye ritual in order to leave the past behind. You might take your time and do nothing, as well, but on the other hand… don’t waste too much of your life…

Reason 4. You’re Jaded, Bitter, and Suspicious

Does this describe you? You’re looking for red flags, even if s/he gives no reason to worry. You’re so afraid you’ll get hurt again.

What’s behind these feelings? Lack of trust in yourself, others and life. That’s a very natural feeling after a divorce. But having said so, it’s extremely hard to build any relationship on distrust.

Why not date? Your anxiety will only rise. Expecting another hurt might work like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What to do instead? Work on building your self-worth. It’s a very long process, but it’s doable. Your divorce has certainly taught you a lot. You are able to choose the right person for yourself. And even if it doesn’t work out, you are strong enough to deal with it. You just need to believe it.

Reason 5. You’re Picturing a Future Together on Your First Date

Does this describe you? On the first date, you ask her how many children she wants to have, or you’re assessing whether he would make a good husband. In your mind, you’re already choosing wallpaper and furniture for the house you two will share.

What’s behind this sense of urgency? Who are you? Besides being a spouse, who are you anyway? You can’t go back in time, but in order to move on you need to rebuild yourself. Discover yourself again.

Why not date? Hold on! Maybe he’s a nice guy or she’s an interesting girl, but – do you know them at all? What situations have you seen them in? How do they react, when stressed? What do they say when a waiter brings you burnt steaks? What are their priorities? And do you have a chance to be in the top three? What are they like with family and friends? I understand the connection is special, but it’s just hormones. Enjoy this feeling like a teenager. But the decisions – make them as a grown up.

What to do instead? Rebuilding yourself takes time. You need time to discover who you are first. What do you like, what are you priorities, values? What are you like now?

Okay, enough of DON’Ts. Let’s have a look at when to say “yes” to dating after divorce. Here’s a quick checklist. Be mindful about how you feel when reading the sentences below. You might want to read them out loud for better effect. Remember, the truth always feels light in your heart.

  1. I don’t blame all men (women) for one of them hurting me.
  2. My marriage was a hard lesson, but I made it. I’m not angry anymore. There used to be something special between us. I even wish him/her luck in life. I wish the same for me too, of course.
  3. I like myself, I know I am a worthy person. Actually, I am doing pretty well!
  4. I’m interested in other people. I’m open to others. I know people make mistakes. I prefer a decent guy who makes mistakes over a prince of perfect.
  5. I’m getting to know myself again. I know there are things I am never going to agree on again. There are also some really important things to me. I am able to name them.
  6. It would be nice to meet a worthy guy/woman. But I can live an exciting life by myself instead of waiting for someone who makes my life interesting.

Tricky thing, this dating after divorce. Exciting. Confusing. Even harder to start dating again after so many years being part of a couple. Whatever you decide to do – to take your time, or jump back into dating – be mindful about your needs. And trust yourself – you’ve got the wisdom inside you. After all, you weren’t born yesterday, right?

5 Reasons You Should Wait Before Dating After Divorce

Being divorced comes with a lot of freedom. But here’s a few reasons why you might want to wait before dating after divorce and focus on your needs.

By Monika Gorecka Updated: August 19, 2019 Categories: Dating after Divorce, Relationships and Dating

5 Reasons You Should Wait Before Dating After Divorce

When my marriage ended but we were still living together, my ex moved on so quickly that after only a couple of months he was moving in with his new girlfriend. I know because she came to our house to help him pack his things. And that was it, he was all ready for the new relationship. On the other hand, some time later, I met a guy who told me he was so hurt after his breakup that he could barely stand women who weren’t part of his family. Nothing personal, but he wouldn’t speak with me. He just wanted to wait before dating after divorce.

These two men couldn’t be any more different, right? So, when is the right time to start dating after divorce? Do you fight fire with fire? Or stay away from the opposite sex forever (more or less)? How do you know if you should wait to date or if you’re ready to move on? Well, obviously, it has nothing to do with your official marital status. It’s more about divorcing in your heart and saying a real goodbye to that stage of your life.

Easier said than done, though. Let’s have a look at the most common DON’Ts regarding moving forward with dating after divorce. And let’s also talk about a few DOs. Not to try to stop you from dating, but to see what stage you’re at and what the potential consequences could be.

5 Reasons You Should Wait Before Dating After Divorce

Reason 1. You’re Feeling Worthless and are Afraid to Trust Again

Does this describe you? You feel like there is absolutely no way this attractive, wonderful (wo)man could like someone like you.

What’s behind this feeling? Your heart still hurts, your wounds fester, you might feel guilty and blame yourself for the broken marriage

Why not date? If your heart’s still bleeding, you’re vulnerable, even if your new partner is very sensitive and tender. It’s a very special time. Easy to get hurt, unintentionally. You might feel emotionally unstable. And if you breakup with this new person, you’re going to be left much worse off than before.

What to do instead? Take care of yourself, be very kind to yourself, like you would to a person you’re in love with. Let it be YOUR time. Work on your self-esteem.

Reason 2. You Believe Men are Monsters or Women are Wicked

Does this describe you? You’re not able to say a single good thing about your Ex. On the contrary, you can easily give five detailed examples of (wo)men being nasty pigs. If your Ex put on twenty pounds and was dumped by his/her new partner you’d call it karma doing good job.

What’s behind this belief? Anger – or even rage and fury – at your ex.

Why not date? Do you know how it is to talk to someone who’s agitated and shouting back at you ‘I am calm. ’? Yeah, same thing here.

What to do instead? Get your anger out! Use screaming and hitting to get your fury out. There’s no need to let it grow inside! Get the crap out!

Reason 3. You (or Your Friends) Think you Should be Ready

Does this describe you? Friends suggest you should start dating again – or you see your ex and his new girlfriend’s pictures on FB, all happy and in love, and you feel maybe you should move on, too. Not that you’re eager to jump into this dating thing, but you think maybe you ought to.

What’s behind this thought? You haven’t closed this stage of your life yet. Easy, sometimes it really takes time.

Why not date? By giving false hope, you may accidentally hurt someone who really doesn’t deserve it.

What to do instead? Make a goodbye ritual in order to leave the past behind. You might take your time and do nothing, as well, but on the other hand… don’t waste too much of your life…

Reason 4. You’re Jaded, Bitter, and Suspicious

Does this describe you? You’re looking for red flags, even if s/he gives no reason to worry. You’re so afraid you’ll get hurt again.

What’s behind these feelings? Lack of trust in yourself, others and life. That’s a very natural feeling after a divorce. But having said so, it’s extremely hard to build any relationship on distrust.

Why not date? Your anxiety will only rise. Expecting another hurt might work like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What to do instead? Work on building your self-worth. It’s a very long process, but it’s doable. Your divorce has certainly taught you a lot. You are able to choose the right person for yourself. And even if it doesn’t work out, you are strong enough to deal with it. You just need to believe it.

Reason 5. You’re Picturing a Future Together on Your First Date

Does this describe you? On the first date, you ask her how many children she wants to have, or you’re assessing whether he would make a good husband. In your mind, you’re already choosing wallpaper and furniture for the house you two will share.

What’s behind this sense of urgency? Who are you? Besides being a spouse, who are you anyway? You can’t go back in time, but in order to move on you need to rebuild yourself. Discover yourself again.

Why not date? Hold on! Maybe he’s a nice guy or she’s an interesting girl, but – do you know them at all? What situations have you seen them in? How do they react, when stressed? What do they say when a waiter brings you burnt steaks? What are their priorities? And do you have a chance to be in the top three? What are they like with family and friends? I understand the connection is special, but it’s just hormones. Enjoy this feeling like a teenager. But the decisions – make them as a grown up.

What to do instead? Rebuilding yourself takes time. You need time to discover who you are first. What do you like, what are you priorities, values? What are you like now?

Okay, enough of DON’Ts. Let’s have a look at when to say “yes” to dating after divorce. Here’s a quick checklist. Be mindful about how you feel when reading the sentences below. You might want to read them out loud for better effect. Remember, the truth always feels light in your heart.

  1. I don’t blame all men (women) for one of them hurting me.
  2. My marriage was a hard lesson, but I made it. I’m not angry anymore. There used to be something special between us. I even wish him/her luck in life. I wish the same for me too, of course.
  3. I like myself, I know I am a worthy person. Actually, I am doing pretty well!
  4. I’m interested in other people. I’m open to others. I know people make mistakes. I prefer a decent guy who makes mistakes over a prince of perfect.
  5. I’m getting to know myself again. I know there are things I am never going to agree on again. There are also some really important things to me. I am able to name them.
  6. It would be nice to meet a worthy guy/woman. But I can live an exciting life by myself instead of waiting for someone who makes my life interesting.

Tricky thing, this dating after divorce. Exciting. Confusing. Even harder to start dating again after so many years being part of a couple. Whatever you decide to do – to take your time, or jump back into dating – be mindful about your needs. And trust yourself – you’ve got the wisdom inside you. After all, you weren’t born yesterday, right?

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DATING AND CONFIDENCE CONSULTANT

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How to Know When She Wants You to Make a Move

Some people believe romantic opportunities are out of our control. That they are a combination of chance and being in the right place, at the right time.

Now there’s some truth to that. Sometimes luck plays an important role.

But the men who consistently succeed in dating have an innate ability that sets them apart:

They recognize subtle hints to consistently create their own opportunities.

I’ve said this before, but the vast majority of women are not going to make the first move – whether that’s introducing themselves, getting into flirtatious conversation, or moving towards intimacy. They’re not going to tell you, “Hey dummy, I’m ready to be kissed!”

Women aren’t usually doing this to be difficult. They are instead struggling with:

  • Shyness and anxiety
  • Fear of rejection
  • Sexual shame (being seen as easy or too promiscuous)

I wish more women took the initiative, too. But that’s the way courtship has been for thousands of years so you might as well learn to decipher the hints you do get.

When women show their interest and they don’t get anything in return – they often feel rejected, frustrated, or stupid for putting themselves out there.

This was a recent e-mail from a female reader:

“I’ve been online dating for the past year and it has been rough. I don’t want to kiss and tell but the guys I did have more of a connection with that I wanted to get physical with, treated me like a delicate rose. Which is really sweet, but not really what makes my blood boil.

These guys wouldn’t take cues or even me straight up telling them. Turned me off because they weren’t listening to me and what I needed.”

Here are the three main ways women signal their interest and how you can make the most of it:

Proximity and eye contact

Women show that they want to talk to you through “approach invitations”.

  • She goes out of her way in a bar, club, or party to stand next to you. Especially if she lingers for an extended period of time or keeps glancing at you. Be direct and talk to her, “Hey, what’s up?”
  • She makes prolonged or repeated eye contact while smiling at you from across the room. Walk over to her, ask for her name, or simply introduce yourself. “Hi, what’s your name?” or “Hey, I’m Nick.” Be playful if you want, “You know it’s rude to just stare and not say hello.”
  • She dances her way over to you and continues dancing next to you. Initiate a dance with her.
  • She touches you in passing. She may run her hand across your shoulder or back while walking by. Go after her and say hello with a hand on her shoulder.
  • A random girl asks you a question or makes an off-hand comment. Start talking to her and exchange numbers before you leave.

Accepting and returning flirting

Flirt with her – verbally or physically. If she reciprocates or doesn’t deny your advances, continue being more flirtatious. And of course, when girl flirts with you, always flirt back.

  • She touches your arm when you talk to her or make her laugh. Return that physical contact and work your way toward mid/high level touches.
  • She gets close to your face, touches your face, or looks deep into your eyes for an extended period of time. This is usually a sign she’s ready to be kissed. So do it.
  • She plays with or runs her fingers through your hair. You can continue with an intimate caress on her thigh or pull her in for a kiss.
  • She allows you to touch her in more intimate spots without pulling away. These include hands, hair, legs, back, face, and waist. Definitely kiss her.

Investment and logistics

The more time and energy a girl invests in you, the more likely she wants the connection to move forward.

  • Any “firsts”: She offers her number to you first. She reaches out to you first over text. She suggests hanging out with you first. Push towards meeting up ASAP.
  • You approach a random girl and she stays to talk to you for more than 30 seconds. Exchange numbers before you leave.
  • She says she would love to see a new place, venue, or show with you. Make concrete plans right then and there.
  • She talks to you for more than 5-15 minutes at a bar. Go get a drink with her or take a seat together.
  • She asks you about what you’re doing later. If in person, make plans to move with her somewhere else or invite her back to your place. If over text, invite her to do something together.
  • She tells you about her logistics for the night. Whenever a woman informs you of her free schedule or asks you about yours, she wants alone time with you. Make plans to meet up.
  • She hangs out with you in a more isolated environment at night on a date. This shows she’s comfortable with you because it’s risky to be alone with a new guy. Move close to her, get more physical, and go for a kiss.
  • She asks about your place or where you’re staying (hotel). Invite her back there.
  • She invites you back to her place or into her bed. Get more physical, go for a kiss, and see if she’s ready to move towards sex. Do not just cuddle with her all night.
  • She asks you to walk her to her car. She waits or delays leaving before saying goodbye. Go for the kiss.
  • She doesn’t give a clear no to ending the night. She battles whether or not she should stay. Playfully lead that you should still hang out – even for just another drink, to listen to some music, or watch something.
  • She answers or asks intimate questions. Or she talks about anything sexual. Continue with deeper and more sexual topics or kiss her.

Now here’s the kicker…

Recognize her hints if they appear but don’t live and die by them. Please don’t wait or obsess over getting the perfect opportunity. Always lead with what you want and see how a woman responds.

While these signs help, the only way to know for sure that she’s ready is to make a move.

“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” – Milton Berle

Need some advice? I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this alone. If you’d like a step-by-step, tailored approach to magnetically attract women and build more meaningful relationships, let’s have a free, 100% confidential consultation call (up to 30 minutes) to discuss how we can work together. Schedule your free strategy session here.

Signs She Wants A Relationship With You

signs she wants a relationship with you

There’s no doubt that dating and relationships have always been somewhat controversial. With modern dating, it gets even more complicated because people are afraid to commit, thinking they might be missing other opportunities.

The truth…often, dating and relationships aren’t one in the same these days. When you’re in a relationship, you don’t continue dating because you are supposed to commit, and nobody wants to be alone.

So, how long should dating last, and when does dating transform into a relationship? There is no solid line here. It’s a subjective question that only you and your partner can answer. That said, let’s get started with some strong signals she wants a relationship with you but might be afraid to tell you.

Juggling the fear of missing out and the fear of being alone is a stressful circumstance. It might be obvious she really likes you, but that doesn’t mean she’s ready to take that scary step and tell you. First, you need to figure out whether she’s willing to commit to you or if she just likes you.

Signs She Wants A Relationship With You

Sign #1 – She likes to ask questions

One of the clearest signs a girl wants to be with you is when she likes to ask you lots of questions. Does she ask you lots of questions about your past? If she wasn’t curious and interested in you, she wouldn’t bother. If she didn’t want to build something with you, she probably wouldn’t pay any attention to you at all.

Her questions may seem a little casual because she might be scared. Take it step by step because, if she’s asking the questions, she’s trying to figure out if you’re a match.

Sign #2 – Her body talk

You need to pay attention to how she moves around you, her body language, and mannerisms. Sometimes, the unconscious takes over and gives you pretty strong signals when she is interested in building something special with you.

Does she lean toward you when she talks?

Is her body pointed toward or away from you?

Does she touch her hair or lip unintentionally when she’s with you?

Pay attention to what she does with her body because that can help you figure out what she really wants.

Sign#3 – She loves playing pranks on you

Growing up, I was always playing jokes on the guy I had a crush on. Some things never seem to change. Playing pranks alone isn’t a clear signal she wants a relationship with you. However, if she has unintentional physical contact with you when she’s playing a joke on you, then you can take that as a good sign she’s into you.

Sign #4 – She’s doing her best to tap into your emotions

According to studies, when a woman tries to showcase her sexuality or tries telling you stories that are aimed to make you jealous and feel bad that you two aren’t together, then she wants to commit to you.

When she tries to make you react jealously, she’s telling you she really likes you but is too afraid to own up to it. Your best route is to play according to her rules, if you want her back, of course.

Sign #5 – She opens the door to her relationship past

When she gives you her past and lets you know she’s been hurt by a guy, it’s a very good indicator she wants a real relationship. By opening up her vulnerabilities and showing you her past, she’s telling you she trusts you and believes you won’t act like her ex did.

Sign #6 – This girl lets you know she has doubts

This might sound a little weird, but her question about whether this will work out tells you she’d like to commit to you. When she talks about her worries with you, she’s proving she would love to get past her doubts and move forward with you. This one isn’t the easiest to pinpoint, so keep your eyes wide open.

Sign #7 – Her friends tease you about how she feels

When this happens, it means beyond a shadow of a doubt that she’s discussed you with her friends. What does that mean? Obviously, she likes you, or she wouldn’t have said a word.

Doing this is her way of admitting how much she likes you, but she’s doing it indirectly, so it’s not so scary. If it wasn’t scary, it wouldn’t mean anything. Think about that for a few minutes.

Sign #8 – She loves teasing you

Does this girl like to tease you? If she does, this is a telltale sign she wants to be in a relationship with you. Acting this way helps her hide the fact she’s really into you. When she teases and taunts you, it means that she wants things to get more serious. Perhaps she just doesn’t know how to take the next step.

Sign #9 – She invites you to a family function

Has she invited you to a birthday event or for Christmas dinner with her parents? You’re a winner if this is the case because this clearly indicates she is into you on much more than a casual level. She likely wants to have her family’s approval before she commits to you completely.

Sign #10 – She’s interested in meeting your friends and family

Does she want to meet your friends and family? This is telling you she wants a relationship with you but wants to make sure she fits in with your world. There’s nothing more disappointing than falling for a guy to figure out that you just don’t fit with his family and friends.

When she expresses to you that she wants to get to know your family and friends, she is telling you she wants to be in a relationship with you.

Sign #11 – She likes to discuss the future

You may have talked about the past, but when you are suddenly discussing the future, it’s golden. When she starts talking about the future, she’s trying to figure out whether you will work as a couple.

Sign #12 – Her time is spent with you

That may sound a little normal, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m not talking about her picking a night after practice to hang out with you. This is about her choosing to spend her priority time with you, like Friday and Saturday night.

Stop for a minute and think. You’re not going to waste your Friday and Saturday night with someone you really don’t like.

Take this one for what it’s worth. If a girl wants to be with you and only you, she’s going to make sure her most valuable hours are spent with you, regardless of when they are.

Sign #13 – She is a little bit touchy

This is one of those signs you have to look for or you will miss it. This doesn’t mean she is all over you, kissing you head to toe. This means she likes to touch you randomly or subtly or fixes your hair when she sees it’s out of place.

So please pay attention to the small gestures. You need to understand, if she didn’t want to touch you at all, she wouldn’t.

Sign #14 – This girl is an active listener

There’s a huge difference between a girl that’s seeing you for just sex and a gal that is actually into you. What’s the difference? It’s all in the ears. If a girl likes you, she’s going to spend the time to talk with you, and she’s going to want to listen to every word you say.

A girl that really likes you is going to know where you work, what your hobbies are, the name of your siblings, simply because she cares about you as a person. On top of that, she is trying to figure out whether she fits in with your life and friends. That’s a huge stress for her that she’s trying to figure out.

Sign #15 – She’s got rid of her dating app completely

This one is a biggie. If you notice that her Plenty Of Fish is no longer on her phone, it’s a huge sign she really is into you. She’s not going to throw that open door to just anyone. If she is serious about you, that app will be ancient history, whether she wants to believe it or not.

This is the true gateway for a future lover she just doesn’t want to be without.

Sign #16 – Real eye contact

There’s no doubt that people tend to stare at people they are attracted to. This is where men are much more obvious than women. If you happen to catch her looking over at you when you aren’t expecting her to, she’s probably into you. If she’s making eye contact with you, it means she wants to be more than friends. I’m not sure how else she’s going to spell that out to you.

Signal #17 – She just happens to mention it

If she tells you straight-up, you’ve got nothing to question. This is a sign that she wants something with you. She may not be so obvious in her words, and this means you will have to pay extra special attention to what she says. Remember, this is a tough thing for her to do.

She might casually ask you about being in a relationship, or she might tell you she’s not into flings. Take this as a big indicator that she’s looking to get into something serious, hopefully, with you!

Sign #18 – She is really trying to help you

Gals are able to express their feelings for guys in so many different ways. One of them is by helping you. She might like to surprise you by cooking for you after a long day at work or going out and paying bills for you when you are sick. These are the nonverbal actions that are showing you she really does care for you.

Sign #19 – She never forgets the little things

There’s no doubt women have a zillion things going on. So, if they remember your favorite ice cream, it really does mean something. When she remembers the little things, it shows she is listening and remembers the things you like, the things that make you happy or perhaps sad. Pay attention, because it’s in the details.

Sign #20 – She isn’t shy about the serious questions

When a girl is past the straight up questions about asking about what your favorite color is or what your favorite flower is, this means she really wants to know more about you, the real you. If she starts asking you the serious questions, it’s a clear-cut signal she wants to see if the two of you are compatible and can build something amazing.

Sign #21 – She’s an open book

When a girl is opening up to you and exposing her vulnerabilities, a terrifying act, it means she really is into you. Be careful because, when she is talking about her feelings and desires, she truly believes she can trust you. Don’t screw it up, please.

Why would she do this if she didn’t think there was more to this than just friends?

We’ve all been burnt. Girls with a cautious heart have learned love the hard way. The good news is they have come out stronger.

People fall in love with a bit of guardedness. It really is scary. She’s got to put her vulnerabilities out there and see how the cards fall. A girl doesn’t develop a guarded stance overnight. This is a crazy long process of betrayal and disappointment. It is an open wound that gets stronger each time it heals from being broken open again.

It’s important that you recognize there is no way you can make your girlfriend overcome her fears and admit she wants to be in a relationship with you. No matter how badly you want to help her, she’s got to do it herself.

If she is immature, you can’t make her grow up instantly. Being scared of committing is more prevalent today than ever before. Love has changed, and this is how modern relationships look.

Danger Signals She Doesn’t Want To Be In A Relationship With You

Women are just as difficult as men when it comes to figuring out how much they want to be in a relationship with you. The world seems to think that men love the chase, however, if the girl is not giving him strong signals she wants to be with him, the guy is going to get frustrated and turn the other way.

Of course, women love the attention, the notes, dinners, and flowers, but you need to understand if she’s not giving back to you, she might just be playing you. That hurts!

Here are a few pointers that are going to help you decide whether or not she’s into you, or whether you should call it quits and take a chance with someone else.

#1 – Your genuine sense of humor

Having a funny side is a great signal as to whether or not she really likes you. If you are seriously being funny and you don’t get a smirk out of her, and she thinks you are dumb and need to stop with the one-liners, that’s a fairly strong indicator she doesn’t really want to be with you.

#2 – Excuses

If this girl is full of excuse after excuse when you reach out to her to go out on a date, you might need to give your head a few shakes. If this woman always seems to be too busy for you, then you need to accept the strong possibility that she isn’t really into you.

If she really liked you she would climb mountains just to be with you. Well, not quite, but you know what I mean.

#3 – There’s this really good friend of mine I want you to meet

Say what? Women are really weird this way. If they believe you have a soft spot for them, and they believe you are a really sweet guy, they aren’t ever going to say no to you. So, to keep them from feeling guilty about not REALLY liking you, they’re going to try hard to hook you up with a good friend.

What they are thinking is if they do this, they aren’t going to hurt you as much. Yikes!

#4 – This girl is totally happy flying solo

If a girl meets a guy she is head over heels with, she’s never going to indicate that she’s happy being single. If she’s talking about wanting to meet someone special, you need to take that straight up because she doesn’t want you to be her man.

#5 – You are such an amazing friend

It really does suck when you like a gal and she yaps on about how much of an amazing friend you are. This is saying you just aren’t the guy she’s looking to build a life with, as much as that hurts.

If she is referring to you as a friend, you need to vamoose fast.

#6 – I wish you were as attractive as all the other guys I see

This is the final nail to your coffin. When a girl is talking about all these other attractive men, without mentioning you, that’s a clear indicator that she really doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.

If she’s doing this, you need to ignore her and move on.

#7 – Her awesome life news is news to you

When you start to be the last person to learn about the great things that are happening to a girl, that’s a pretty good sign she really doesn’t care about you. If she did, you would be the first person she calls when she gets a promotion at work or has a fight with her bestie.

#8 – She gets stone cold

When a girl isn’t into a guy, she’s not going to be open and warm with him. Why? Simply because she really doesn’t care.

If it feels like she is sitting in a cloud toward you, it’s best you shift your direction and head for the sparkly sunshine!

Final Words

It’s hard to read a woman’s mind. She may be giving you some obvious clues that she wants to be your girl. On the other hand, most of them will likely be subtle and difficult to nail down.

If she is scared to tell you she likes you, then you are going to have to take all of these factors into consideration to help coax her to get over her fear and let you in on what she’s feeling.

Follow your gut and use these pointers to help you figure out whether or not she wants to be with you.

Reader Interactions

Comments

Scotty Pulliam says

What if they are back and fourth with both things alot always hot and cold

Then youre not a priority and they have mixed feelings.

I like this girl and we often talk like hey how r u etc. So one day she told me she cant wait to get off work nd im like do u have any plans and shes like always. But said it in a similing way and shes like ill see u in a bit.

Hmmmmm this is a clear indicator that they are confused themselves. Just vamoose

A girl I know since childhood she stares me all the time she makes eye contact and give a beautiful smile always turns and looks me back and being shy and nervous in front of me when we’re in public place.

Does she really love me

This is like what happened to me i asked her out and she said no but wants to know me better. just take your time really like if you are talking to her most likely go in with no intentions so it doesnt hurt as much when she says no like what happened to me

Honestly don’t go in with any intentions, the girl that i liked, she talked about me to her friends, she kept staring at me as well, but because she is shy she stared at me just with her eyes like she wouldn’t move her head up so keeping it low-key this is when i was with my friends, but when she has her friends she stares at me full on. i asked her out after 4 months and got a no but she wants to know me better which is good too. She too does the exact same, she would turn back to look and have the biggest smile whenever she sees me or even when i talk to her.

She’s always willing to talk to me.. Even when she replies late, She Apologizes.. Can that be a Good Sign she wants to be with me??

No none of them like you guys, sorry. Born alone, die alone! Cradle to the grave!

Garrett Brown says

A girl told me she really likes me and wants to be with me and wants everything that comes with a relationship WITH me. But, she says let’s date other people. Every time I tell her let’s just be friends, she doesn’t just wanna be friends. What in the hell…..I’ve never been more confused in my life. HELP

You are the safety net..because she is looking for prince charming but incase if she failed then you are still there.

I notice she does about 10 to 11 of the 21 signs that shows a girl is interested. Besides, she also told me that she’s been hurt badly before and also asked if I’ve ever dated someone before. Are these signs enough to make me conclude that she wants a relationship with me?

Emmanuel Buba says

nobody wants to be alone, so many ladies would like a shoulder to cry on for the time being before they look for greener pastures

What if you’re already in a relationship, but the girl doesn’t like calling you, but only through text?

If u in relationship then why would she not want to chat on phone if you have met in person. Ask her out more until she’s comfortable

I’ve been speaking to this girl I know for a long time. I speak to her at times late at night for hours. We speak about lots of stuff, and she has taken an interest in a series I watched and finished it in 2 days. Still, I don’t know what to do next. To be honest, I’m scared to ask her out directly. Is there a way I can do it subtly?

my gal calls me too much does it means that she likes me

isssssa moi says

so this girl i’ve known this girl for two years now we have been on and off but never dated an currently i think we are a thing but i don’t know if she likes me or wants to commit to me we used to talk one the phone every night and she used to tell me i love you and so would i now we could go for two days without speaking shes too busy to talk on the phone or for plans one day i asked her what she wanted and she said you she will randomly hit me up saying wyd and so we would have a cute convo but then later on she posted hit my line on her story so i got mad and called her out so she got mad at me because she think i’m doing too much so then we get over it i say i love you she says it back so we don’t speak for a hour or so and then i see this cute meme of a little girl smashing a Piñata saying all my love and besitos and you so i tag her and post it in my story and she replies with a lmao and then like a few minutes later says delete it so i honestly don’t know what this girl wants anymore PLEASEEEEEE HELPPPPP MEEEEEEEE

Its possible that she maybe playing you for emotionally support. Run Bro!

Peter Andersen says

Okay, my girlfriend wants me to wait for her until she thinks she’s been healthy in her mind and tells me i must have patience, because she wants to get away from her old memories, we’ve been togehter allmost 3 months. i have’nt seen her in two days now (i know that is’nt much) but we have spoken and text each other. She tells me she only wants me and she doesn’t want others. She even says she loves me but she avoids me, and when we have agreements, she suddenly tells me that she apparently had another deal with her girlfriends it happen 7-8 times past 3 monthes. I am really in bondage. what should I do? Should I leave her or have patience?

well have patients, then if nothing changes leave her, but first get to know her more. Help her feel confortable around you an definitly be open minded with her.

This was written perfectly. Happens to be just what I needed for more clarity in my situation. You started with what it means if she’s into you, and your segment was very thorough. The ‘if not then’ was so brief it was accurate. Thank you.

This girl I like I confessed that I liked her. But because she’s moving she said she cannot be in a nice relationship she also said I was very sweet. After she said all of this she said once she gets a car shes wanting to hang out with me really really bad. She talked to me until midnight almost. Does this mean she likes me even though shes moving??

Hit the button bro, she is all yours .

This boy I like he broke up with his girlfriend I ain’t even know but I like him and we friends and we talk to each other he 14 I’m 13 and he broke up with his girlfriend he called her a hoe . But I don’t want to talk to him about because I think dats disrespectful and it’s nun of my business but he really nice to me and I been liking him for two years now and I told him dat I wanted d or dtf and tbh I think we gone start dating

Hi!
So i got something i dont really know how to take it.
I have a girl that from a few months ago she started to give me some signs that she likes me.
Like she is always looking at me (staring literally), trying to to talk to me or making me to talk with her when we are around each other,always trying to make jokes with me, she is also getting really shy around me getting red chicks all this stuff.
When we talk more than 2 sentences she is always messing up her words, losing the logics of what she is sayng. But at some point i heard that she have a boyfriend (engagement) so i made my way up to her to ask about it and she told me that she have a boyfriend with a really low volume in her voice, but never mentioned something about engagement.
Last time when we talked and i did help her with something she mentioned her boyfriend but in the way where she said it like this:
“-When i need help with this thing my boyfriend didnt even tries to help me and let me do that things alone”

I can realise when a girl like me or have a crush on me most of the time but i dont know how to take this situation i`m in right now. My only explination is that her boyfriend dont treat her in the way she can fell loved anymore and somehow found me. Even tho she is acting like she doesnt love me or want something from me she alwasy give me signs, always catch looking at me all the time and try to find way to make me notice her everytime she is around to me.
What should i do in this situation?
Please. 🙂

brother code,if she dint love him why go as far as engagement…if shes bored with him whats not to say in a matter of time shell get bored with you…bruv…think this through..with your head and not the pants….

a girl I know will always laugh at what ever I said, and also like to spend time with me and Am her teacher but she always want to help me with marking and recording issues and also will ask if there r more what does this means?

you are a teacher and there are rules about that sort of thing,but id think she likes you and is respecting boundaries,if the rules allow,ask her out

Freeman Kumah says

If your girl friend post a guy on her display picture more than a week ,please what does it mean. And what of if she had never post your picture too on her display picture before

It depends whether or not they are good friends or even best friends

hello,so i love this girl to heaven and back,we dated for a while and now shes telling me that she wants to slow things down and be friends…that she wants to study me,she says she still loves me and wants to see me and doesnt want anyone else..but she insists on the friend title….what do you think,its driving me crazy.

my girlfriend is dating another guy and she still says am the one she loves but her actions and attention is with the other guy, am confused?

I like this guy and he likes me and this has been going on for 3 years now so today I finally gathered enough courage to ask him out first I asked him, “if I were to ask you out would you say yes?” Then he said yeah. Then I asked him if he would be comfortable dating me, and he said yes. Then I ask him out and he says “no I’m not allowed to date”! I am so confused by this!

this girl I met in a summer camp as a cit has started talking to me recently she was really open to the idea of getting close and I spent three full all nighters talking to her. and have been talking to her almost every day since. she says enjoys talking to me and when I told her I liked her she said she did too, but she wanted to get to know me more before we started anything. Does this mean she likes me like that.

Am 59, and still not bad-looking, and just started out as a bus driver in a midwestern city. Am really attracted to another driver, who is my age, give or take 5 years. She was with another female driver, and they looked at me, and laughed. The other driver said to watch out- that I could hear them. Sat alone with her the other day, and commented how beautiful her hair always is. It’s solidly white, very thick, and has a high luster, along with thickness. She felt her hair, and said that it takes two hours to dry. A few days later, I sat with her, and she just typed on her Smartphone. So, I asked her if she’d mind if I joined my classmates sitting thirty feet away. She said she didn’t mind. No more than ten seconds later, she was standing in front of us, and one of my classmates said that she had stared at the back of my head. Then, last Saturday, she walked over to the table next to me, and told four of us that she wasn’t always fat, but the job made her so. We weren’t even talking about that subject. Am going to tell her that I’d love to see her sometime… the very next time I see her. Does she like me or not?- Charles

She initiates a meeting with me on her own and gives also some signs that she is interested and then doesn’t appear.

My girl only wants to watch tv and not in our room justin get phone. I got ice cream and asked get if we could get chocolate to make a nice treat and maybe watch movies she shut me down with a no faster than I could think. I’ve been trying t go t breakfast dates after taking the kids to school, I’ve tried dinner dates when they go to families house. I’ve tried anyhjng non sexual but intimate and reach once has been rejected I some kind of way. I don’t even watch tv and I was willing to because she does she still said no. I don’t knowwhat to think rite now we have 2 kids together.

She keeps on beeping me
She doest call
What does it mean
Help me en she doesn’t have much words

Hi,
I met this girl about a month ago. She would call and facetime everyday like before work, after work, while she ate, and even go to sleep on the phone with me. A lot of the times her sister would jump on the phone and talk to me too. it was like that for about 3 weeks.Now she only does it once a while and she told she didnt want to be on the phone as much. I callled twice back back on tuesday and she got upset and told me I was acting needy so I got mad bc shes the one that set the trend of calling eachother so I called again and told her to block me if she didnt like it so she did. She still has me blocked but messages and calls me on snapchat now. We were suppose to hang out lastnight but she felt sick and said maybe tomorrow (today). She did call instead and stayed on the phone till she fell asleep. I really want to see her since its been about a week but I dont want her to keep thinking Im pushy so maybe I should let her bring it up? I really like and Im just confused about what she wants now.

What if the girl’s actions match most of the ticks for she wants a relationship with you but you were the last person to find out she is seperated from her husbandvand only found out because you asked how her husband is? She also wont talk to you about why she doesn’t live with hin any longer or if is a divorce. Yet she texts you everyday and sends long texts as late as 3 am.

Brian Handerson says

What if she does all these things, on top of flirting, being nervous, laughing at all your dumb sarcastic remarks (lol), being super excited after you talk, complimenting you, checking you out, but she also has a boyfriend that she never mentions? How does one proceed? How do you figure out what she wants? How to not get burned bad? We’re both kind of hesitant and I don’t know what to do.

Jacob Baker says

I think you just need to wait for something to happen with her and her boyfriend and when she needs a shoulder to cry on and someone to be there for her and that is where you come in.

What if my girl friend tells me she doesn’t like my hair? What if our chats are dry, but she explains to me that that is the way she chats?

Anshuman Banka says

I met this girl recently through a friend of mine and I really like this girl. She is out of town right now but we do talk on a daily basis. She texts me as soon as she gets free from her work, while other times when she is with her friends she tells me that “my friends are around but I’ll message you as soon as I’ll reach home”. I don’t know what she is trying to indirectly tell me or maybe I don’t know whether she feels the same way about me as I do about her. Can you help me understand what’s happening? I am just confused and curious to know

Jacob Baker says

What if the girl tells you about other guys who told her that they like her but she seems disgusted at that.

I asked a girl I really like out on a “test relationship”. That we should enter into a fake relationship for 7 days. And after those 7 days are over, then she says if she wants to go out with me. And if she doesn’t. then I accept my fate without questions and move on.

She agreed to it.

I like her very well, but I don’t really know if things are working out great between us as they should. Yes, we talk very well, but it’s 2 days left and I am more terrified than ever.

She is amazing and I really do not want to lose her. Any words of advice?

Thank you! (Crying Emoji)

So I found my future wife I asked her out on a date and 2 weeks later she found out that I have a crush on her and so yes I asked her on a date and she said yes so she asked her mother about me so what dose that mean and I met some of her friends and I can’t stop thinking about Skylar but I do dream about her in the future as my future wife I know her mom and stepdad very well and they treat me and my mom and stepdad like family so I am guessing Skylar has a crush on me anythouts

Guys – there is not a single woman out there who loves you and really wants to be with you. They are incapable of being straightforward and honest. At best, women will give positive signals that they find you worthy enough to use you. Then you have to decide if she’s worth being used. The answer to that is no.

So don’t look at, approach, talk to, flirt with, date, or marry a woman. You’re better off playing Russian Roulette. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Guys, if you ask your girlfriend to stay the night for the first time, does it mean you’re expecting sex?

Anonymous

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Anonymous

I can’t believe someone downvoted that!

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What Girls & Guys Said

Tripz

I don’t really expect sex on a first date, but if the girl is up for it then bring it on.

I read some comments, if she doesn’t sex the first night, it would not change my opinion of her, I won’t think less of her, but I’m just that kind of guy so my opinion may differ

Anonymous

Im not talking about the first date. Say you’ve been dating for a short while, and then you invite her over to your place for the first time

Tripz

Well that is different, I would not jump to the conclusion of sex, but if I felt those vibes coming from the girl, I’ll do the man thing and kick start the session.

DirtyDiaper

DirtyDiaper

O yeah and then I’d wait for her to fall asleep

Anonymous

DirtyDiaper

. to cash in on my benefits.

Anonymous

LOL I thought you were being sweet and were gonna say something like “because she’s beautiful when she sleeps”

DirtyDiaper

ROFL yeah right. this is real life not notebook ta fauq.

hoodratsk8r

Anonymous

Anonymous

Would you be disappointed if she didn’t have sex with you that night? Would it change your opinion of her?

Anonymous

Change my opinion? No haha, I don’t put that much importance on this. It really depends on how far we are in the relationship, I’d be cool with just chilling either way though. That’s just me though.

Though I’d hope that any girl who’d be in this spot would know that they should make decisions based on what’s comfortable for them first, regardless of who it makes happy or sad. If a guy got upset, he’s probably not that great anyways.




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