, Don’t Tell Women to Wine on Other Men to Make an Abusive Man Jealous

Don’t Tell Women to Wine on Other Men to Make an Abusive Man Jealous

Don’t Tell Women to Wine on Other Men to Make an Abusive Man Jealous


These ended up some feelings below that I shared on Fb about the “X” music after I first observed the online video on there, and I’ve been seeing the video clip trending around the area again which reminded me that the track still reduced-important (re: substantial-crucial) bothers me even with all people being amused by the animation. And though the animation waist throwing is mildly entertaining, the song’s directive tends to make me want to scream. Be sure to, do not wine on other adult men to bun’ your abusive and violent person. Make sure you really do not. The lived realities of rampant gender-based mostly violence across the location and in the West Indian diaspora abroad implies the music are unable to and does not exist outside the house of that context. Going for walks Into Partitions horrifically aggregates significantly of it (gals choppings, stabbings, killed by gun, burnings, sexual violence — you name it) and these take place weekly, at times each day in communities all through the Caribbean.

Contemplating the ranges of IPV throughout the region and femicide, this music experienced me reeling. I signify. The place to start off, indeed.

1. Is how a woman male cuff her in the eye in song…like?

2. I don’t know how else to make clear to some people today that nutritious associations and appreciate are NOT about command, possession and possession — even if it’s seemingly mutual. That’s not adore and the numerous approaches wining receives overlaid with ownership and possession culturally can be harmful, basically actually harmful in scenarios like this. Provided how substantially fights, beatings and buss-head have or just about will break out all over for factors accurately like this.

Now, granted, two developed individuals can have a mutual wining agreement of types similar to boundaries, regard and other things, but it is seriously unhealthy when it is mostly rooted in (dis)possession and notions of possession and it only capabilities from that space. Culturally, which is not the information or socialisation we typically get and that kind of pondering has to be unlearnt for lots of persons and it will take do the job (talking from experience).

3. This track sets up a untrue dichotomy whereby the guy explained in this track is sufficiently “burnt” by a wine. He’s truly boxing an individual in the eye (and cheating, textbook abuser stuff nah), but someway a wine reinscribes controlling power differentials, so the lady can gi’ him as lousy as he offers her by wining on other gentlemen — other than that is not what’s required at all.

4. Adult men like the gentleman in this music do exist and all wining on other men does to a man like the a person in this music is to piss them off Far more. It is not cute or a path to be taken frivolously regardless of the stick male raging amusingly. Gentlemen like the person in this music are by now wont to attribute blame on the female for all fashion of perceived transgressions and “disrespect”, and lots of moments the rationalisation is shoddy or even non-existent, ever-modifying and its sole intent is to feed the man’s bouts of rage and reframe accountability so she is incessantly at fault for his violence and rage.

5. I wish this track had a various arc completely because even with the domestic violence concept at the conclusion, and the meant wining as a liberatory route, it feels definitely painfully off much too. Why is the lady “liberated” from violence by wining on other adult males but only for the profit of smiting the abusive ex? Why is the abusive boyfriend crying at the conclusion mainly because she is blissfully wining? What does that imply? Like, whyyyyy to all of it?

Tags: gender, soca songs, violence in opposition to females


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