from love to heartbreak

dating someone not interested – InetInfobusOnline

dating someone not interested – InetInfobusOnline


It’s never easy disappointing someone, especially when it’s someone you care about as a pal. “If this person is in your social circle or someone you’re close with, you likely don’t want to lose the relationship,” says Kaitlin Kindman, LCSW, practice director and co-founder of Kindman & Co.. “Let them know that you see and appreciate their vulnerability and give them space to show that it’s okay for them to feel let down.”

How To Reject Someone When You’re Not Interested (Without Being A Jerk)

Tip one: Get it over with!

Wondering how to reject someone? In the relationship world, rejecting people is about as much fun as reading the instruction manual to a vacuum cleaner. Which is, to say, not fun at all—not to mention awkward, uncomfortable, and painful. Sigh.

“It’s important to reject people kindly so they don’t take the rejection personally, because truthfully, it isn’t about them,” says Bianca Walker, a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta. Sure, you might not like certain things about the person you’re rejecting, but this usually just means you’re incompatible with each other, not that the other person is a monster.

“To somebody else, that same person could be their perfect package—the one,” Walker says. “Rejecting someone in a mean way says, ‘there’s something wrong with you,’ which is very different from, ‘I know what I want and I don’t think we’re compatible.’”

Still, when it comes to how to tell someone you’re not interested, figuring out the right words to get the message across clearly and compassionately can be tricky, whether it’s someone you’ve only exchanged a few messages with on Bumble or a co-worker you’ve had a strong, totally platonic friendship with for years (or so you thought!).

Below, experts break down how to reject someone maturely and kindly to ease the pain on both sides.

Offer a classy compliment

“Both sides feel respected when we validate the other person’s vulnerability,” says Cheryl M. Bradshaw, a registered psychotherapist in Canada, author of Real Talk About Sex and Consent. Bradshaw especially likes the below line if you’re approached in a public place, which yes, can be awkward.

Try: “I know it can be hard to put yourself out there, but unfortunately, I’m not interested. I appreciate you asking and being respectful, though.”

An important caveat: The moment someone speaks to you disrespectfully—say, by asking you more than once or trying to change your mind—you should change your strategy. “Be firm, and leave the situation as quickly as you can,” Bradshaw says.

Don’t apologize

Whether you’ve gone on a handful of dates or are getting lackluster vibes after a series of exchanges on a dating app, there’s really no need to apologize. Just be direct and polite!

Try: “I really appreciate your interest and openness, but I’m not able to reciprocate it. I know it may be hard to hear, but I’m not interested in moving forward.”

Focus on your needs

It helps to have a boilerplate for dating apps, when neither party invested too much energy yet. “In this case, you’re want to say, ‘I’m sure you’re cool, just not right for me and I’m mature enough to recognize this and be upfront about it, essentially freeing up time for both of us to find someone more fitting,’” offers Walker.

Try: “I’m sure you’re amazing in many ways, but I have a lot of clarity about what I want at this point in my life, and I don’t see us as a good match. Wishing you luck finding your person.”

Be respectful and appreciative

There’s no point in dragging things out after a meh first date. “Be kind but straightforward,” says Gina Handley Schmitt, LMHC and author of Friending: Creating Meaningful, Lasting Adult Friendships. Remember: Even if the person isn’t your cup of tea, they might have construed the date as a sparks-flying success: “There are actual human beings on the receiving end of a rejection, and these human beings will inevitably be disappointed and hurt when their romantic feelings are not reciprocated,” says Schmitt.

Try: “Thank you for making yourself available. With that being said, I am clear that this isn’t going to be the right relationship dynamic for me. I do hope all the best for you, though, as you continue your journey.”

Don’t leave them in the dark

“One of the challenges I hear all the time from my clients is the confusion that they feel when someone isn’t clear about why they are no longer interested,” says Kindman. “When we don’t have specific information, we tend to fill in the blanks ourselves.” No need to tell every Tinder convo your life goals and values, but if you’ve gone on a few dates, you may want to offer up a few—kind!—details about your decision.

Try: “It was nice getting to know you. I’m looking for XX (a serious relationship, someone who shares my political values, a partner who likes to be in nature, etc), so I don’t think we’re a good match for each other. I hope you find who you’re looking for.”

Value your friendship

It’s never easy disappointing someone, especially when it’s someone you care about as a pal. “If this person is in your social circle or someone you’re close with, you likely don’t want to lose the relationship,” says Kaitlin Kindman, LCSW, practice director and co-founder of Kindman & Co.. “Let them know that you see and appreciate their vulnerability and give them space to show that it’s okay for them to feel let down.”

Try: “I hope you know how much I care about you and the relationship we have. I know it’s not easy to share your feelings and I admire the courage it took to let me know how you’re feeling. I don’t want to hurt you, but unfortunately, I don’t feel the same way. I understand if you feel disappointed and that this may make our relationship awkward for a bit. Take all the time you need and when you’re ready, I hope we can still be friends.”

Keep it casual

If a coworker asks you out, be clear that you’re not interested and don’t feel pressured to give any explanation as to why. Keeping a casual tone—like in the example below—will help both parties feel more comfortable during an awkward situation. (FYI, this assumes a peer is asking you out, not a supervisor or boss, which is crossing a line!)

Try: “I appreciate your confidence in asking me, but I don’t think we’re on the same page. I’m not interested in dating, but thanks for asking!”

Be firm, especially with an ex

When an old flame comes callin’, keep it short and sweet. “Let them know that your focus has shifted,” says Walker. That means, no need to recount details from the past or remind them of how terrible your breakup was! (Related: The 10 Stages Of Every Breakup—And How To Make Each One Suck Less)

Try: “Hey. While I can appreciate many aspects of our past relationship, going out again would feel like a step backward for me, and I’m committed to my future growth—in all areas of my life. Be well.”

How Do You Tell Someone You Are Not Interested In Dating?

Table of Contents

While the idea of being pursued as a potential love interest has been romanticized long enough, the truth is that the chase isn’t always a comfortable one. Particularly, when you’re not interested in dating. The reasons for your lack of interest in taking things forward can vary.

Perhaps, you are not interested in dating after a breakup or just are in a place where you’d like to focus on your career without the distractions of a romantic partnership. Or maybe you’re just attracted enough to the other person to want to date them.

Whatever your reasons, telling someone you are not interested in dating is always tricky. You would want to convey your intent as clearly as possible without trampling all over their heart. Fret not, you can pull it off with some thoughtfulness and careful choice of words. We’re here to help you do just that.

13 Ways To Tell Someone You Are Not Interested In Dating

If you have been on the other side of the ‘I’m not interested in dating right now’ divide, you know how bad rejection can hurt. Even if, you’ve hardly had a connection with the other person or just went out on a few dates, hearing that someone doesn’t fancy you enough to consider dating you can be crushing.

When you’re preparing to go down that path, bear in mind that ripping the band-aid may not be the best approach in this situation. As long as you act from a place of empathy, you’d know the right way to handle this delicate and unpleasant situation you’ve landed in.

To guide you along the way, here are 13 ways to tell someone you are not interested in dating:

1. Address the ‘why am I not interested in dating’ question

Before you go announcing that you’re not interested in dating someone, take some time to reflect on the reasons. Address the ‘why am I not interest in dating’ question and be honest with yourself. Have you had enough bad experiences on the dating scene to be put off the concept completely? Or are your reasons more person-specific?

Do you not feel attracted to them? Have you spotted some red flags that tell you that it’ll end badly?

Are you not interested in dating after a breakup because you’re still nursing a broken heart? Are you attracted to the person but still don’t want to date them because you know they’re not good for you?

Introspect a little and understand your reasons for turning down someone. This will help you convey your decision to them in a sensitive manner.

2. Tell them you appreciate their feelings

why not interested in dating

Appreciate their feelings to take the sting out of your decision

To take the sting out of your decision that you’re not interested in dating someone, lead with an appreciation for their feelings. You don’t have to prepare an elaborate ‘thank you’ speech for their interest in you. Just a few kind words are enough to blunt the hurt that this rejection is likely to cause them.

Something as clean and simple as ‘I appreciate how you feel’ is good enough. At the same time, you must steer clear of statements like: ‘If the circumstances were different, I would have loved to date you’. This can give them unnecessary hope that you may change your decision sometime down the line.

3. Offer the ‘Why am I not interested in dating’ explanation

While you don’t need to explain yourself to someone when turning down their overtures, it’s a kind thing to do. Especially, if you have been on a few dates with this person or share a long-standing association or friendship with them.

If you’re just taking time off dating, tell them ‘I’m not interested in anyone anymore’. Or if you’re not interested in them in particular, don’t hesitate in saying ‘I just don’t feel that way about you’.

It might sting in the moment but it’ll give the other person clarity that there is no hope of anything ever happening between you two.

4. Decide how you want to spill the beans

Ideally, letting someone know you’re not interested in dating them warrants a face-to-face conversation. But if you’re someone who becomes tongue-tied in such awkward situations, you can always do it over text too. This will allow you to gather your thoughts and articulate them the right way.

In that case, it’s nice to suggest that you’re open to meeting and talking about it, especially if the person you’re turning down is someone you value.

5. Steer clear of ghosting

No matter how hard it seems to walk up to a person and say ‘I’m not interested in dating right now’, you know it is the right thing to do. Whether you’ve been out on a few dates with them or it is someone who has been pursuing you, you owe them a clear response.

So, don’t chicken out and take the easy route of just ghosting the person. The uncertainty of not knowing what went wrong can be far more debilitating than a rejection.

6. Don’t justify yourself

If you’re single yet not interested in dating, the other person may try to use your relationship status to pressure you into rethinking your decision. Or they may feel that you’re just playing hard to get and may ramp up their advances toward you.

It can be an uncomfortable situation where you’re trying to tell the person that you’re not interested but they just don’t agree to back off. In that case, you must hold your ground but without feeling the need to justify yourself to them.

It’s your life, and only you can decide whether or not you want to date. Do not feel pressured to convince the person that the decision is the right one for you. You know the answer to ‘why am I not interested in dating’, you’ve communicated it clearly to the other person. End of story.

Whether they agree with your decision or not is not your concern.

7. Don’t apologize

Whether you’re not interested in dating after a breakup or just want to take some time to focus on yourself, you don’t have to apologize for your life choices. Yes, you’re bound to cause the other person some hurt when you turn down their overtures. But such is life.

not dating after breakup

You don’t have to apologize for your life choices

It’s not your fault that they are attracted to you and you don’t feel the same way about them. So, you have nothing to apologize for. If you do, you’d give them an opportunity to guilt-trip you into re-thinking your choices.

Dating someone because they make you feel like you’re obligated to is the last thing you need when you’re in the ‘I’m not interested in dating right now’ mind frame.

8. Use the sandwich method

The sandwich method – where you squeeze a negative between two positives – can be a great way to blunt the hurt you’re likely to cause when you announce not interested in dating someone.

When you have that conversation with them, lead with something positive about the person or how they make you feel. Then convey your intent of not dating them. And close with another kind statement.

This will help them take your decision in the right spirit and not feel slighted or humiliated.

9. Treat the person with respect

The fact that someone has asked you out or has shown interest in dating you suggests that you must have shared some kind of a connection with them. Even if, from your side, it wasn’t romantically inclined. For the sake of the connection, treat the person with respect when you tell them you’re not interested in dating them.

Unless they have done something to hurt or scorn you, don’t pile up the news with a list of their flaws that put you off the idea of dating them.

10. Try the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ approach

Are the reasons behind your decision are not person-specific? Do they stem out of a certainty that ‘I’m not interested in dating right now’? The time-tested ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ approach could be your best bet to cause minimal hurt to the other person. If you barely know them, you can leave out the specifics.

If you share a connection or have been out on a few dates with them, you can follow it up with a brief explanation about ‘why am I not interested in dating’.

11. Don’t send mixed signals

Single yet not interested

Sending mixed signals can complicate things

Once you’ve decided that you’re not interested in taking things ahead with a person, you must stand firm on that choice. Don’t turn them down one day and then start texting them in the middle of the night the next.

Such mixed signals will only confuse the person and complicate your equation with them. When you reach out despite turning them down, the other person may see it as a sign that you’re not clear about what you want. It won’t be wrong of them to assume that they can win you over if they try just a little harder.

If they keep trying and you keep turning them down yet continue to gravitate toward them, the situation can turn messy.

12. Hear them out

Once you’ve said your piece about why you’re not interested in dating, give the other person a chance to respond. Know that they’re coming from a place of hurt and disappointment, so you may not like everything they have to say.

Be patient and hear them out. It’s the least you can do when your decision has crushed their heart.

13. Don’t push for a friendship

Once you’ve conveyed that you’re not interested in dating someone, don’t push them to be your friend. At least, not immediately. Even if, you and the other person have been friends or shared a cordial relationship at your workplace in the past.

They have just been dealt a hand of rejection and being consigned to the friendzone may not exactly be up their alley right now.

Give them the time to process and get over it before you can both consider striking a genuine friendship.

Telling someone you’re not interested in dating them is bound to be awkward and uneasy. But it is the right thing to do. With these tips and strategies, you will be able to make the situation somewhat less uncomfortable. So, put them to good use to soften the blow.

Yes, it is perfectly normal to want to get off the dating scene if you’ve had a string of bad experiences, are getting out of a long-term relationship, or want to take time to focus on yourself instead.

When you know that the person is not good for you or that dating them will end badly, it is possible to be attracted to someone but not want to date them.

Your personal or perceived experiences about relationships and marriage could be the reason behind a lack of desire to form romantic partnerships.

A person who has no interest in relationships is called aromantic.

How To Reject Someone When You’re Not Interested (Without Being A Jerk)

Tip one: Get it over with!

from love to heartbreak

Wondering how to reject someone? In the relationship world, rejecting people is about as much fun as reading the instruction manual to a vacuum cleaner. Which is, to say, not fun at all—not to mention awkward, uncomfortable, and painful. Sigh.

“It’s important to reject people kindly so they don’t take the rejection personally, because truthfully, it isn’t about them,” says Bianca Walker, a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta. Sure, you might not like certain things about the person you’re rejecting, but this usually just means you’re incompatible with each other, not that the other person is a monster.

“To somebody else, that same person could be their perfect package—the one,” Walker says. “Rejecting someone in a mean way says, ‘there’s something wrong with you,’ which is very different from, ‘I know what I want and I don’t think we’re compatible.’”

Still, when it comes to how to tell someone you’re not interested, figuring out the right words to get the message across clearly and compassionately can be tricky, whether it’s someone you’ve only exchanged a few messages with on Bumble or a co-worker you’ve had a strong, totally platonic friendship with for years (or so you thought!).

Below, experts break down how to reject someone maturely and kindly to ease the pain on both sides.

Offer a classy compliment

“Both sides feel respected when we validate the other person’s vulnerability,” says Cheryl M. Bradshaw, a registered psychotherapist in Canada, author of Real Talk About Sex and Consent. Bradshaw especially likes the below line if you’re approached in a public place, which yes, can be awkward.

Try: “I know it can be hard to put yourself out there, but unfortunately, I’m not interested. I appreciate you asking and being respectful, though.”

An important caveat: The moment someone speaks to you disrespectfully—say, by asking you more than once or trying to change your mind—you should change your strategy. “Be firm, and leave the situation as quickly as you can,” Bradshaw says.

Don’t apologize

Whether you’ve gone on a handful of dates or are getting lackluster vibes after a series of exchanges on a dating app, there’s really no need to apologize. Just be direct and polite!

Try: “I really appreciate your interest and openness, but I’m not able to reciprocate it. I know it may be hard to hear, but I’m not interested in moving forward.”

Focus on your needs

It helps to have a boilerplate for dating apps, when neither party invested too much energy yet. “In this case, you’re want to say, ‘I’m sure you’re cool, just not right for me and I’m mature enough to recognize this and be upfront about it, essentially freeing up time for both of us to find someone more fitting,’” offers Walker.

Try: “I’m sure you’re amazing in many ways, but I have a lot of clarity about what I want at this point in my life, and I don’t see us as a good match. Wishing you luck finding your person.”

Be respectful and appreciative

There’s no point in dragging things out after a meh first date. “Be kind but straightforward,” says Gina Handley Schmitt, LMHC and author of Friending: Creating Meaningful, Lasting Adult Friendships. Remember: Even if the person isn’t your cup of tea, they might have construed the date as a sparks-flying success: “There are actual human beings on the receiving end of a rejection, and these human beings will inevitably be disappointed and hurt when their romantic feelings are not reciprocated,” says Schmitt.

Try: “Thank you for making yourself available. With that being said, I am clear that this isn’t going to be the right relationship dynamic for me. I do hope all the best for you, though, as you continue your journey.”

Don’t leave them in the dark

“One of the challenges I hear all the time from my clients is the confusion that they feel when someone isn’t clear about why they are no longer interested,” says Kindman. “When we don’t have specific information, we tend to fill in the blanks ourselves.” No need to tell every Tinder convo your life goals and values, but if you’ve gone on a few dates, you may want to offer up a few—kind!—details about your decision.

Try: “It was nice getting to know you. I’m looking for XX (a serious relationship, someone who shares my political values, a partner who likes to be in nature, etc), so I don’t think we’re a good match for each other. I hope you find who you’re looking for.”

Value your friendship

It’s never easy disappointing someone, especially when it’s someone you care about as a pal. “If this person is in your social circle or someone you’re close with, you likely don’t want to lose the relationship,” says Kaitlin Kindman, LCSW, practice director and co-founder of Kindman & Co.. “Let them know that you see and appreciate their vulnerability and give them space to show that it’s okay for them to feel let down.”

Try: “I hope you know how much I care about you and the relationship we have. I know it’s not easy to share your feelings and I admire the courage it took to let me know how you’re feeling. I don’t want to hurt you, but unfortunately, I don’t feel the same way. I understand if you feel disappointed and that this may make our relationship awkward for a bit. Take all the time you need and when you’re ready, I hope we can still be friends.”

Keep it casual

If a coworker asks you out, be clear that you’re not interested and don’t feel pressured to give any explanation as to why. Keeping a casual tone—like in the example below—will help both parties feel more comfortable during an awkward situation. (FYI, this assumes a peer is asking you out, not a supervisor or boss, which is crossing a line!)

Try: “I appreciate your confidence in asking me, but I don’t think we’re on the same page. I’m not interested in dating, but thanks for asking!”

Be firm, especially with an ex

When an old flame comes callin’, keep it short and sweet. “Let them know that your focus has shifted,” says Walker. That means, no need to recount details from the past or remind them of how terrible your breakup was! (Related: The 10 Stages Of Every Breakup—And How To Make Each One Suck Less)

Try: “Hey. While I can appreciate many aspects of our past relationship, going out again would feel like a step backward for me, and I’m committed to my future growth—in all areas of my life. Be well.”

How to Reject Someone Politely in Online Dating

Ding! The excitement that you feel when you see that you got a message on your online dating account. You rush to log in, only to be met with disappointment. The person that messaged you is just not what you’re looking for.

Maybe it’s an age thing, maybe you’re not attracted to them, maybe they have something off-putting in their profile, or maybe you’re just not feeling it. Whatever the case may be, you’re not into it. So, how do you go about rejecting someone politely in online dating?

one ceramic bird rejecting another

Do You Have to Respond to Someone Who Messages You?

This is actually the most important question. Are you required to respond to every message that you get or is it okay just to delete things and move on? Well, it depends. It depends mainly on you and what you feel is right.

Unfortunately, we can’t tell you yes you have to or no you shouldn’t because there is no right answer. On one hand, it is a very adult thing to do to let someone know that you’re not interested. But, on the other hand, that can sometimes get them to try and convince you why you should be interested which is just annoying (and not very adult-like of them).

It’s really up to you. If we were forced to give you a suggestion, we would say this. If it looks like a thoughtful message that took them some time to write, give them the courtesy of one message telling them you aren’t interested. If they keep trying to talk to you after that, just ignore them or block them if they don’t stop. But, if they just send you a cookie-cutter first message with no thought or emotion behind it or something rude, just delete it and move on to the next message.

What to Say if You Decide to Reject Them…Politely

Let’s address the elephant in the room. No one likes to be told that someone isn’t interested in them or they can’t have what they want. This includes you and us! For that reason and the fact that we are all good people, we need to make sure that we handle this situation delicately. But, we also need to be direct enough that the point gets across and we don’t have some sort of rebuttal emails that we have to deal with.

Here are the “rules” that you should follow when sending a rejection letter to someone in online dating. We call them rules, but if you break them, it’s not the end of the world. A better word for these would be guidelines.

Keep It Short

There is no need to send them a complete novel or long message when you want to let them down easily. You should say just enough to get your point across, and nothing more. When you start to make things longer, it can make people think that maybe there is a chance. In their mind, you put a lot of effort into the email that you sent them, so maybe you’re worth “fighting” for. This is not what you want to happen. You want them to receive your message, realize it isn’t going to be a thing, and then move along to the next person they are interested in.

You Don’t Need to Put an Explanation

You’re not required to explain why you are not interested, nor do we advise that you do so anyway. The fact that you are not interested is explanation enough for them. You might be tempted to let them know why or try and help them out with the next guy or girl, but really you’re just going be opening a can of worms that you don’t want to deal with. The point is to end the conversation with one message, not entice them to send back a response asking for further explanation or even worse arguing with you.

Leave the explanation out.

Be Direct and Clear

If there is a suggestion in this guide that is the most important, it is this one. You need to be friendly, but direct and clear about what you are trying to say. If you give a wishy-washy answer about how you’re not sure it would be a good fit or that the time isn’t right, you’re going to leave the door open in their mind. This is not fair to them, and it’s also going to get them sending you more messages. Unless you like your online dating mailbox cluttered with people debating you why you should like them, be direct and clear.

Tell them you appreciated their message but you are not interested. Not “I think I’m not interested” or “it probably isn’t going to work,” – you are not interested. Period. End of discussion. Failure to do this is going to cause a lot of headaches and potential heartache for the person that you’re talking to.

Please Be Kind

It is completely possible to be direct while also being kind. Remember, you’re contacting them out of a courtesy which is already kind to begin with. There’s no reason to humiliate them, degrade them, or say anything that will hurt their feelings. Two people not liking each other mutually is something that should be natural and not even be that big of a deal. That being said, a lot of people are emotional when it comes to rejection, so let them down in a kind but still direct manner.

Some Example Ways to Reject Someone That You Can Use

So, we’ve talked about the things you should do. How about we see what this looks like in action now? We’d like to give you a few examples of how you should go about rejecting someone or telling them you’re not interested in dating or getting to know them. Feel free to take these word for word and just use them yourself. That’s the reason we put them here.

“Hey, Thanks for your message. Unfortunately, I’m not interested. Good luck out there.”

“I appreciate the time you took with your message, but I am not interested. Have a great day.”

“That was a kind message, but I’m just not interested. Thanks.”

Short and to the point…no explanation…nothing mean. These are the best messages that you’re free to copy and paste if you need to let someone down.

What to Expect After You Send

So, what should you expect when you send these rejection messages? Well, there are a few things that could happen, and you should be prepared for all of them. First, someone people might take the hint and not respond at all. This is the ideal situation and really what we’re aiming for.

Some people are going to respond, though. You’ll get some that thank you for your response. If you get this, leave it at that and don’t respond. Most of the time this is genuine, but sometimes it’s them fishing to start a conversation. The people you need to watch out for are the ones who can’t take a hint. They’ll respond wanting to know why you aren’t interested or they may have something mean to say.

If this happens, do not respond. We repeat, do not respond. No matter what you say, they are never going to take the hint if they didn’t get it from your last response. Delete the message and move on. If they keep emailing you, block them. If they say something mean, block them. You were trying to be kind and do them a favor, and they clearly have issues accepting rejection. Don’t get caught up in their negativity.

Just follow the guidelines we laid out for you and move along. You’ll be fine and so will they.

Something to Consider

Not having a ton of luck finding love? If you’re having to say no a lot, you may not be using one of the best dating apps. While we can’t guarantee a switch is going to keep you from having to say no, it could help. The second you find the right person, you can delete your accounts and not worry about it ever again.

Written By: Jason Lee

Jason Lee is a data analyst with a passion for studying online dating, relationships, personal growth, healthcare, and finance. In 2008, Jason earned a Bachelors of Science from the University of Florida, where he studied business and finance and taught interpersonal communication.

His work has been featured in the likes of The USA Today, MSN, The Motley Fool, Net Health, and The Simple Dollar. As a business owner, relationship strategist, dating coach, and officer in the U.S. military, Jason enjoys sharing his unique knowledge base with the rest of the world.

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How to Politely Let Him Know You’re Not Interested (9 Scripts)

polite breakup texts

Sometimes it just doesn’t click between the two of you. It’s a fact of life and love and relationships… But then you’re faced with a problem.

How do you let him know you’re not interested, without being ugly or unkind?

With a good script, it doesn’t have to be difficult…

“Claire, after a first date with someone who was nice but whom you’re uninterested/attracted to, what is the polite way to let them know? A text, saying what? Are you obligated to say anything after one date? I don’t want to be rude or have karma return the favor.

How to attract any man!

I asked friends and I got,”If it’s only been one date, you can just ignore them,” which felt unkind and I wasn’t thinking I’d like to be ignored if it was me. I also heard to “Tell them you’re taking a break from dating, delete their profile so they can’t tell your profile is still open and block their number so you don’t hear from them again,” which seemed excessive!

I just started dating again after a long relationship, and going out now regularly and this part of dating (figuring out how to decline a second date) is giving me quite a bit of anxiety.” – Jillian

Hi, Jillian. If you’ve only had one date, I think it’s fine to simply decline another next date; most guys will get the drift.

But if you do feel like you need to get a persistent caller off your list, use one of the simple scripts below to let him know you’re not interested.

But FIRST, Choose the RIGHT method for your break-up communication

1. Text message or email (only 1 or 2 dates)

It’s okay to do this by text or email if you’re still relatively early in the relationship; it’s informal, and allows the other person some privacy and dignity.

2. Face to face (after 3 or more dates)

If you think there will be drama, do it in a public place that still has some privacy (a park works great) AND have a clear exit plan in place.

You can say, “I’m due to meet a friend,” or “I have a class/meeting I have to get to.”

The whole thing shouldn’t take more than 20 minutes – and the sooner it’s over with, the sooner both of you can begin to feel better.

9 ways to let him know you’re not interested

Mix and match and get the words that work best for you…

“You’re a wonderful man, but I don’t think we’re the right match.”

“I like you a lot, but I don’t think we’d make a good couple.”

“I had a good time going out the other night, but I don’t think we really clicked.”

“Thanks for an enjoyable evening, but I just don’t think we’re a good match. Best of luck!”

“I have enjoyed our date(s), but the chemistry isn’t there for me.”

“I’ve had fun going out with you, but I don’t think we’re really compatible.”

“Last week was really enjoyable, but I don’t think we’re a great match. I’m going to start seeing some other guys now.”

“I had a great date, thanks, but I don’t feel we are compatible for the long term.”

“I just wanted to be up front and let you know that I have had a really good time hanging out, but I don’t see us as more than friends.”

PLUS, the PERFECT thing to ADD to your script

Use the words you pick out, and at the end, you can clarify with this statement, which explains why you’re doing this…

“I think it’s best to break things off cleanly.”

Please DON’T say…

Please for the love of all that’s good in the world, don’t resort to inventing terrible excuses or wild lies; this just complicates things. And it can end up biting you in your (very lovely) butt, too…

Don’t tell him “I’m already in a relationship” if you’re not.

Don’t tell him “It’s not you, it’s me.” Because it’s both of you.

Don’t give him a monster laundry list of all the “problems” with the match.

Clean, simple, straightforward. That’s what you’re going for here. It’s easiest on BOTH of you.

NOW for the Man you Absolutely *DO* WANT… (But Don’t Have Yet)

You know that guy you’re REALLY into, the one you fantasize about spending the rest of your life with, the one who you maybe even love…?

He doesn’t seem that into you, or maybe he appears to be waiting, or just doesn’t see you as “The One” right now…

Well you’re about to CHANGE the GAME for both of you, fierce heart! You’re about to explode like fireworks into his world!

Enchant Any Man

–> How to unlock the heart of even the most disinterested or clueless guy

This is how Deborra-Lee Furness won the heart of Hugh Jackman years ago; this is how she’s kept him faithful and DEEPLY in love even though she’s ten years older than him (and has gained weight).

Watch this video and discover how to make every other woman fade from his heart and mind forever!




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